It's been three months since my last post! Wow. I'm really bad at this, aren't I? I get so tied up with Evan that I lose track of time. He is so captivating! Growing so fast, too. A few things have happened since my last post. For example, in May, I had my first mothers day! Evan and Dustin bought my new plants for the front garden. Then, Dustin ripped out the ugly, overgrown spirea's and helped me replace them with my pretty, new rose bushes. We also planted two new evergreen bushes to accent the front doorway, but something is eating all of my plants out there and one already needs replaced.JUNE:
Dustin had his first fathers day, also. Evan and I got him a gift card to get a massage since he's been so stressed out between working, getting his executive MBA, and trying to learn how to be a Daddy. I am so proud of how hard he's been working!
He and Evan took me to Franklin Park conservatory for my birthday. Aside from when he fussed because of the heat, Evan slept through most of it, while mommy played photographer. So many cool things to take pictures of there! Dustin also gave me the day off of diaper duty, which really presented the short end of the stick on his end. Sorry sweetie! But thank you!
JULY:We survived Dustin's trip to China by way of lots of people coming to stay with us to keep our minds off of it and get some things done. I was the most productive with Dustin's Mom and my Mom being here. I got a LOT of work in the front room done which was so badly needing attention! And it was nice to have some friends visit also. We were so happy to have him arrive back home safely. He was so thoughtful and picked out some great gifts for us! My favorite was the onesie that he got for Evan that had his name written in Chinese, well, not exactly, they wrote out what his name meant in Chinese "Handsome Cloud". What a thoughtful gift! Truely unique. It's unfortunate that one of the snaps already broke :o( But I'm going to frame it and hang it in his room. He's also got a nice silk Chinese outfit that I can't wait for him to fit into! I also received a Chinese style t-shirt that I'm excited about, it's really pretty...but still a little small yet, even though I'm back down to my pre-Evan weight. But it gives me another goal to work towards!
Then following all of that, I decided to leave my job to stay home with our little man. I loved my job, but I love Evan way more. The decision was a difficult one, but I'm glad I did it. However, for some reason, I'm having a difficult time dealing with it. I just wish I could be in both places at once. Evan made it a little easier yesterday. Yesterday was the first day of school, so to keep my mind off of it, he decided it would be a great day to roll over for the first time all by himself! Now see!! I would have missed that had I been at school!!! Oh little man, you are growing sooo fast!BRINGING ME TO AUGUST:
So why am I still having difficulty accepting the fact that I'm not teaching? That's what woke me up this morning (let's rephrase, Evan woke me up....this is what KEPT me up). The only logical thing I can think of is that realization is finally settling in that I left my job. I LIKED my job; and I feel like I was pretty darn good at it, too! I knew what I was doing, I had a plan for every day (OK, most days).....and I left it to be a Mommy! What do I know about being a Mommy?!? I'm not even sure I'm good at this whole Mommy thing. I mean, I've kept him alive thus far. But I'm a teacher- I've seen a lot of parents who aren't so good at the being a parent thing, but have somehow managed to keep their kid alive, so I don't think that stands for much. I mean, the doctor is mad at me because he still gets up every three hours most nights to eat. What am I supposed to do, starve my kid? Or, let's examine the fact that I can no longer get him to nap without putting him in his swing. That's not good! He's a BIG boy, he's going to out grow that swing much sooner than later, I'm sure of it. And when that day comes, he's STILL going to need to take naps! He's terrified of his crib...I try the crying it out method, but he gets so worked up that when I go to calm him down every 5-10 minutes like the paper says to do- he's dripping (literally) with sweat, screaming as if he's hurt, and absolutely will not calm down. It's a nightmare. I know some day he will have to adjust to it, but why is it so difficult and why do I feel so alone? I really have no clue what I'm doing....so eventually, I forfeit thinking "enough for today, we'll try again tomorrow" and put him in his swing, because if I don't, he stays awake until bedtime (with maybe one or two 20 minute naps) and by then he's so overtired he doesn't know what to do with himself. Oh my goodness. I don't know when he's supposed to nap, how long he's supposed to nap, how often he's supposed to nap...I'm not sure if, or when, or how I'm supposed to try to push feedings further apart....I just want what's best for him! How am I supposed to know if I'm doing it right or if I'm really screwing up? He's spoiled me soooo bad up until now. And honestly, he still is probably the best behaved, most smiley little baby ever. Mommy just has a slight insecurity problem, and I think this is what is leading me to question my choice of staying at home.
Regardless, it's been a great summer, and I'm looking forward to watching Evan grow and learn new things (but, with that being said, sweetie, please don't hurry! I love my little baby cuddles with you!)
I guess that's all for now. With any luck, 3 months won't slip by before my next post!
I'm so happy to see you posting again! It's so nice to see your update. And while you're feeling weird about not teaching, I'm suddenly heading back into teaching full-time! I'm hoping to get in a good 3 years or so before I even think about becoming a mommy, because Jason's still in school and I could use the money after being laid off this year. But I have all this to look forward to someday, right? :)
ReplyDeleteI would like to say that I understand your mommy jitters but I am not a mommy so I don't really know. What I do know is that I have watched other mommy's around me feel the same way, so you are not alone. if it makes you feel better christi and jason's baby is 5 months and still eating every 3 hours or so. I say start some cereal and see if that helps. I know they say dont put it in their bottle (but your breast feeding right?) but we did it with the boys because they wouldnt take it from a spoon and that helped. Keep showing your baby love and hopefully in the end when he is 18 he will turn out to be a handsome gentleman! If he liks the swing, use it...but you are right, eventually he will be too big. Hopfully by then he wont need it! Does he use a pacifier? Does it help? Is his room real dark when you put him there? Have you tried light music playing and sitting in the room while he is in there? Can't say they will work, but they might. My one nephew loved a glow worm and so does Christi's baby and when you pushed it to play, it calmed him down so you didnt have to take him out of his crib. Maybe he not only likes the swinging of it but the closeness, so if you cuddle him with blankets it might help. And napping, I say let him nap when he is tired. Maybe there is a pattern, maybe there isnt and if you see it, then that might be a way to get a schedule rolling, but if not, I wouldnt stress about it. I know you are a good mom because you are worried about it!!
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